Find Your Deepest Desires in Christ

"I remember saying one summer, 'What I really need is a trip to the ocean.' So I went to the beach, but the ocean seemed to say, 'It is not in me!' The ocean did not do for me what I thought it would. Then I said, 'Perhaps the mountains will provide the rest I need.' I went to the mountains, and when I awoke the first morning, I gazed at the magnificent mountain I had so longed to see. But the sight did not satisfy, and the mountain said, 'It is not in me!'..."

For so many years I searched with no results for my identity in worldly things- in dance, in being social, in the opposite sex, in popularity. None of it was cutting it, though, and I ultimately felt even more empty and alone than I did before. I went to such great lengths to "find myself," when all along my identity was hidden deep in Christ who was right beside me all along. It took nearly hitting rock bottom for me to realize it, but when I did, the world became beautifully sweet.

..."What I really needed all along was the deep ocean of God's love, and the high mountains of His truth within me. His wisdom has depths and heights that neither the ocean nor the mountains could contain and that could not be compared with jewels, gold, or precious stones. Christ is wisdom and He is our deepest need. Our inner restlessness can only be pacified by the revelation of His eternal friendship and love for us." -Margaret Bottome

What has prevented you from finding your deepest desires in Christ and in Christ alone?  

Humbly yours, 

S

Take Up Your Cross

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." -Mark 8:34

This verse is DENSE. Maybe not at first glance, but when you start to understand what it really means to "take up your cross"...holy moly! 

Taking up our crosses means we are required to: 
- Be content with mundane tasks in a limited area, even when we believe we are better, smarter, or worth more than that. 
- Cultivate the same field year after year, although it yields no harvest at all. 
- Nurture kind and loving thoughts about the person who has wronged us, and to speak gently to them, take their side, and even stand up for them. 
- Openly testify about God to our peers who don't want or care to know about Him. 
- Walk through this world with a bright smile on our faces even though our hearts are breaking. 

[On a side note, I feel as though I have experienced each of these in the past couple of weeks. What a convicting message this is to me!]

ALL these crosses are heavy and painful, but we can be joyful in knowing that Jesus is never closer than when we pick up our cross and joyfully submit to his will. He does this to mature our wisdom, deepen our sense of peace, increase our courage, and supplement our power. Although it hurts for a short time, we will become a greater use to others through this. 

He must become greater; we must become less. Die to self, die to self, and die to self some more. 

With love and conviction, 

S

True Disciple

What does it mean to be a true disciple? How do we achieve such a name? This past year, I read an excerpt from the book "True Disciple" that really hit me. This is from chapter 13: 

A life that is abandoned to the Lord Jesus has its own deep reward. There is a joy and pleasure in following Christ that is life in its truest sense. 

The Savior repeatedly said, "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." In fact, this saying of His is found in the four Gospels more frequently than almost anything else He said. Why is it repeated so often? Is it not because it sets forth one of the most fundamental principles of the Christian life, namely that life hugged for self is life lost, but life poured out for Him is life found, saved, enjoyed, and kept for eternity? 

To be a half-hearted Christian can only insure a miserable existence. To be out and out for Him is the surest way of enjoying His best. 

To be a true disciple is to be a bondslave of Jesus Christ and to find that His service is perfect freedom. There is liberty in the step of all who can say, "I love my Master... I will not go out free" (Ex. 21:5).  

The disciple is not bogged down by petty affairs or by passing things. He is concerned with eternal matters, and, like Hudson Taylor, enjoys the luxury of having few things to care for. 

He may be unknown, and yet he is well-known. Though constantly dying, yet he persistently lives. He is chastened but not killed. Even in sorrow, he is rejoicing. Although poor himself, he makes many rich. He himself has nothing yet he possesses all things (2 Cor. 6:9-10). 

And if it can be said that the life of true discipleship is the most spiritually satisfying life in this world, it can be said with equal certainty that it will be the most rewarded in the age to come. "For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works" (Mt. 16:27). 

Therefore, the truly blessed man in time and in eternity is the one who can say with Bill Borden of Yale, "Lord Jesus, I take hands off, as far as my life is concerned. I put Thee on the throne in my heart. Change, cleanse, use me as Thou shalt choose." 

Am I finding my life or losing it? I feel as though I am finding myself, discovering my educational path, career goals, etc., but is that my plan or is it God's plan for me? Society so often gets in the way and says we need to go to college to get a good job to succeed and be happy or live a satisfying life. It has turned away from God, taken God out of the plans. When we truly understand what it means to become a disciple and make God the center of our plans, only then will we be satisfied. "Life poured out for Him is life found, saved, enjoyed, and kept for eternity."  

Is what you do 24/7 giving God the glory? If not, then it is giving yourself the glory, so stop doing it; it is a waste of time. Remember, "To be a half-hearted Christian can only insure a miserable existence." No meaning. If there's no meaning, then what's the point? It's kind of like lukewarm water. It really doesn't serve too much of a purpose. Ice cold water is used for drinking, and hot water is used for cleaning, doing dishes, bathing, and cooking. Lukewarm water isn't good for any of those things. Don't become lukewarm or half-hearted. Don't become something that doesn't serve a purpose. Instead, live your life as a disciple, serving the Purpose. 

"Lord Jesus, I take hands off, as far as my life is concerned. I put Thee on the throne in my heart. Change, cleanse, use me as Thou shalt choose." 

We are so blessed to be used by God. 

-S

The King is Enthralled by You.

'The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." -Psalm 45:11

How easy it is to get worked up about the little things in life! I've had a frustrating couple of days, and it is reassuring to know that I can go home to my Bible and meditate on scripture like the verse above. 

Two days in a row I had irritating days at work (I work as a server at a nice upscale restaurant). In one day, two tables in a row sat down in the same booth, ordered drinks (which I served to them), looked at the menu, then proceeded to walk out on me because they didn't see anything that they wanted. Following that, I forgot to place an order for an appetizer for one table, and another table complained about their food, which my manager ended up giving them their lunch for free. Of course this all happened at the busiest part of the day. I just felt so discouraged. To add to this work fiasco, other parts of my life were adding stressors on top of that. I tend to take things really personally, so I could just not be at peace.

Since about middle school, I have struggled with self worth. I am never pretty enough, athletic enough, smart enough, funny enough, good enough. I am never adequate enough. Things can be going great, then suddenly one day eight different things go wrong and it just tears me apart. This verse, Psalm 45:11, popped into my head shortly after everything became chaos. "The king is enthralled by my beauty."Enthralled. Aka that by which someone is absorbed, captivated, charmed, enchanted, or engaged. And not only is it my beauty that He is enthralled by. He is enthralled by my charm, my wit, my humor, my effort, my love, my work. He is enthralled by every part of me. He created me just as I am, and I am a work of art, His masterpiece. Therefore, we must honor Him through everything, even if that means through trials also. 

The next verse that came to mind was Psalm 37:3-4 which reads, 
"Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." 

When we trust in the Lord, when we enjoy His safe pastures, when we delight in Him, He will give us our heart's desires. Even when it seems as though the world is crashing down around us; when it feels like it's impossible to put on a happy face and carry on, this verse says otherwise. We must continue to do good. We must continue to show His love to others and trust in Him. When we can stop for a minute to take a deep breath in, relax in His safe pastures, and enjoy the good things He has done, then we will feel fulfilled and then he will give us what we need. We must trust in Him. Sometimes the easiest command is the hardest to carry out. 

"Keep Calm and Carry On" -God  

With Love,

S

From the Heart

Okay everyone, here you go. Here’s my testimony, from beginning to present. 

Rule number one: Don’t judge. We all have a past. We have all done things we’re not proud of. The fact is that I am a new person now, and what’s behind me is dead and gone. 

Rule number two: Take the message to heart. 

Rule number three: I challenge you to do the same. Reflect on your life over the years, write it down, pass it on. 

My Story

Looking back on my life, I can bring everything back to one of my earliest memories- my parents’ divorce. It’s crazy to see how it’s shaped me and to see the impact it’s really had on me over the years. Part of me still wishes it hadn’t happened, but I am so thankful for what I’ve been through and how Christ has been able to use my past and my brokenness to mold me into who I am today.  

When my parents got divorced, my mom received custody of my sister and I. We would spend the majority of the time at her house, then we’d visit my dad every other weekend. In the beginning, my dad would still come over and spend time with us back at our mom’s house, but he constantly left and went away afterwards, going home and leaving my sister and I in a one-parent household. Over the years, my father’s absence left an emptiness inside me; a void in my heart that was left unfulfilled for so long. My dad was still a part of my life, and I am so thankful for that, but he wasn’t an active, 24/7, wake-me-up-from-my-nightmares, ever-present person. Without having that in my life, things were not-so-perfect for me. 

Going to church was always a big part of my life. Since the divorce, my sister, dad, and I would always go to church together on Sunday mornings. I was really involved early on, and I attended AWANA and youth group as a child. In middle school, however, I stopped going altogether. At the time, I felt as though I wasn’t going for the right reasons. I was going to respect and please my dad, so that he wouldn’t think that I was a bad person but instead thought I could be considered a ‘perfect’ daughter for going. When I reached middle school, the pressures of my peers started to affect me in many ways. Going to church wasn’t something that cool people did, and I didn’t want - what I perceived to be- the “negative” reputation that came with being a Christian. I didn’t want to experience the judgement that came with it. I didn’t want the persecution. Yes, I still loved Christ, but I didn’t have that agape, self-sacrificing relationship with him, he wasn’t real to me, and He was kind of put on the back burner in my life. Instead, I tried to find my identity and self-worth in others. I became so concerned with how others viewed me. I had to be the best, the most popular, the one with the most friends. If someone didn’t like me, I got so anxious about it and would go way out of my way in order to make sure that they liked me. I couldn’t accept the fact that someone would dislike me for no reason at all. I was so concerned with what others thought of me. I was so afraid of losing friends, of being left alone again. 

In high school, I still didn’t attend church. During this time, I felt as though that “bad Christian reputation” just got more pronounced, and I again didn’t want that judgement or persecution from my peers. At the same time, I now lived 30 minutes away from my hometown, and this became the perfect excuse to not go to church- who really wants to leave their house at 7:15am on a Sunday morning just to get to church on time? I meanwhile continued to find love and to find my identity in other people, and in popularity and status. I was one of three people in my freshman class to make the dance team their first year of high school, and I certainly lived that up. I was “popular”, and even though I had many friends, I still didn’t feel as though that was good enough. Everyone else seemed to have their close clique of friends, while my friends were all parts of different groups, so I didn’t feel as though I really belonged with any of them. I never felt that people really liked me, that they saw me as being weird, and that I was ultimately unloveable. The void, the anxious attachment, the emptiness inside of me still ruled my life. 

Although I never really had “boyfriends” throughout high school, I way too frequently had really close guy friends, and we constantly texted about everything. I knew I didn’t want a boyfriend, but in my head I was emotionally dating all of these guys whom I called friends. I did things I shouldn’t have done. I longed for that acceptance, that feeling of being needed by someone, of being loved by someone, so I did what it took to get those men to notice me. I let my emotions control the relationship, and when the relationship between me and each of these guys faded off, so did some of my spirit. I hoped the relationships with these young men would fill the emptiness inside me, but  they only left me feeling emptier than before.  

During my senior year of high school, I started getting back involved with my old church. I still couldn’t get myself to church on Sunday mornings, but I went to youth group on Wednesday nights and I helped out with the middle school youth group on Friday afternoons at the church, where I was a student leader. A part of me was longing for Something and getting so close, yet was still afraid to take that leap of faith and surrender everything to what I knew was true. I was still afraid of what my friends would think. I was, at this time, two different people- I was one person at school with my friends: the social, outgoing, attention-loving teenage girl, and I was another person while attending church events: the humble, good Christian girl who never did anything wrong.

After I graduated from high school, I got caught up in the party scene a bit. It is not something that I am proud of, and I am almost ashamed that I fell into that trap. I was so focused on socializing and having fun with friends that I nearly lost my morals and what I believed to be important. Partying was a fun way to spend time with friends and get to know a diverse crowd, but I always woke up the next morning, normally after sleeping in my car the night before, feeling completely disgusted with myself. My family didn’t know that I drank. I never told them what I would be doing at the places where I was going during those nights, and I occasionally lied to maintain the good Christian image that my  family had of me. I thought that if they knew, they’d be ashamed of me and would think differently of me. I was a good girl, and good girls don’t drink. I was still so concerned of what others thought of me. I couldn’t even be honest with my own family. 

Going to college, I was still caught up in this party girl trap. I went there knowing almost no one, and knew that the easiest way to meet people was through going to parties. I went out on the weekends with a girl I met, and we had a fun time, but still I’d always feel like complete trash and ashamed of myself the next day. At the same time, I was also pursuing a church. I checked out Campus Crusades for Christ, but it didn’t seem like it was the right fit for me. I also looked into a church nearby on campus, but still it just didn’t seem right. It was also hard going alone, as I didn’t have any Christian friends there. Since I didn’t have anyone to go with, it was even harder for me to commit. I started giving up. I was still living this double lifestyle of the good Christian girl mixed with the social party animal. I knew one of them had to go, and I knew it wasn’t going to be the Christian. 

Just when I thought all hope was lost in finding a church and regaining my relationship with Christ, my sister and brother in-law, who also lived in the cities area, invited me to check out this church with them. I immediately knew they were different from other churches. Their slogan was “Want God, not Religion?”, they were really college-based, and they met on Friday nights instead of Sunday mornings. Not only did I have no excuse to not go, but it also seemed so appealing to me that I actually wanted to check it out. The night I checked out the church, I was really impressed. The worship made me feel like I was at a rock concert, and the speaker was so passionate about that which he spoke. He has literally been through it all, through every struggle someone could experience in life, and he has lived to tell his story. God has blessed him in so many ways, and it is apparent to all who will just take the time to listen. I immediately felt like I belonged there. I got involved with the student group, and after that first night, I felt like I had a group of friends, one that really truly cared about me, for the first time in my life. I got to know them better and better throughout the next few weeks, and I was able to stop hanging out in the party scene altogether. 

Through this church and through strengthening my relationship with Christ, I have learned about my identity. I spent years searching for my identity and approval in Man, only to leave emptier than when I began. I tried everything in the book, when the Answer was really with me all along, right in front of me, waiting for me to lay my burdens down and give myself to Him. My identity is in Christ, and through Him I am a new creation. I am perfect in His image, even on days I do not feel beautiful or loved or attractive or longed for by others. Out of His great love, I am who I am, made complete by his blood. I have just learned so much. It is hard to put it into words how much I have been able to heal and grow and mature in my faith. It is almost unfathomable, but I have learned to trust in God and He will give me the desires of my heart. 

For so long, I relied on young men to show me my self-worth. I knew “Jesus loves me, this I know,” but I did not have a good, solid relationship with him; I did not walk with him, I did not experience him. I have learned, after many years, that no one needs to go looking for their self-worth. They just need to seek Him, for our hope is found in Him and Him alone. Only HE will tell you what you’re worth, and to Him, you’re worth far more than any young man could ever tell you that you are. The amount of love He has for you is unfathomable, and when you feel guilt, or grief, or that you’re unloved, He will be your comfort and the Rock that you can stand on. He is all that you need, and therefore you don’t have to carry around the weight of who you were before you walked with him. He loves you and He forgives you and you are so special to Him. 

"My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever." -Psalm 73:26

Thoughts? Questions? Email me at smedwards46@gmail.com  

Have a wonderful day. 

S

Because I Am...

I was reminded of this today, and thought it would be a good idea to share it with everyone. It's such a good reminder that, even when we feel lower than low and good for nothing, we were designed by the Creator for a purpose. 

The Faithwalkers Birthright: Because I Am

Because I am righteous... I feel pure!
-Romans 3:22; 2 Corinthians 5:21
Because I am powerful...I feel strong! 
-2 Timothy 2:7; 2 Corinthians 4:7, 12:9; Ephesians 1:18
Because I am beautiful...I feel lovely! 
-Ephesians 2:10; Psalm 139:14-17; Ecclesiastes 3:11
Because I am justified...I feel no guilt!
-Romans 5:1, 8:11; Hebrews 10:11-12
Because I am perfect...I feel adequate!
-Hebrews 10:14
Because I am hand-crafted by God...I feel special!
-Psalm 139:13
Because I am bought with His blood...I feel priceless!
-1 Peter 1:18-19
Because I am continually cleansed by His blood...I feel clean! 
-1 John 1:7
Because I am loved by God...I feel secure!
-Romans 5:8; John 3:16
Because I am adequate and complete...I feel confident!
-2 Peter 1:3-4; 2 Corinthians 3:4-6
Because I am His chosen child...I feel worthy!
-Ephesians 1:4-5; 1 John 3:1
Because I am what I am by His grace...I feel proud of who He made me to be!
-1 Corinthians 15:10
Because I am accepted by God...I feel no pressure to prove myself!
-Romans 15:7
Because I am a saint...I will not feel like a sinner!
-2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 1:1
Because in Christ, I am all these things...I feel great about me!
-Romans 8:31-34

-Mark Darling

Quit believing the lies Satan throws at you: the "you're not good enough" "you're not beautiful enough" "you are a sinner" "you are unloved" or whatever it may be. There are beyond enough references in the Bible to prove otherwise. You are perfect. 

Peace and Love,

S

From Burdens to Blessings?

"There is no burden so heavy that, when lifted cheerfully with love in our hearts, will not become a blessing to us. God intends for our tasks to be our helpers, so to refuse to bend our shoulders to carry a load is to miss a new opportunity for growth." -J. R. Miller

It's so easy in stressful situations to fall into the trap of thinking to yourself, "God, why are you letting this happen to me?" or "I don't deserve this." We too often forget to realize that God is using these trials to mature us and challenge us and grow us into better people who love Him even more. 

This makes me think of fulgurites. What is a fulgurite, you ask? Do you remember the scene in Sweet Home Alabama when Jake is pounding those metal poles into the sand right before the storm, and we find out he has an entire store full of those sweet-looking glass decorative ornaments? Those are fulgurites- it's what is produced when lightning strikes sand. Although they don't look nearly as cool in real life (they used blown glass in the movie) the analogy works just as well. Lightning must be at least 3,270°F to form fulgurites in the sand. In other words, the sand is put through extreme heat and "trials" and pressure, but instead of dying or becoming any less beautiful, it forms into these exquisite fulgurites. 

We are that sand. Sometimes it's easy to get envious of our friends who haven't had to go through hell and back in their lives, because we think it'd be so much easier to just live the Average Jane life and not get tried at all. But if we did this, we'd miss an opportunity to grow into someone better than we could become on our own. If this is the case, then I say let's bring on the rain. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

With love,

S